How to Protect Your Time & Energy During Socially Busy Seasons

You can listen to this episode here: Listen to Episode 35: How to Protect Your Time & Energy During Socially Busy Seasons

The days are long, the light is bright, and the invitations are pouring in. But for many of us, this "explosively social" time of year brings a different kind of pressure: the fear of missing out, the exhaustion of trying to be "light and bubbly" all the time, and the guilt of saying no.

In this episode, Blaze dismantles the myth that summer is about maximizing every waking minute. She guides you through the essential skill of protecting your capacity when life gets fuller, explaining how to recognize the difference between wanting to go and having the energy to go. Whether you're navigating the pushback from friends when you change a routine, or struggling to leave a party before you're drained, this conversation offers a compassionate framework for setting boundaries that honor your nervous system and preserve your joy.

🌿 In this episode we explore:

• Why the "summer script" of doing it all often leads to regret rather than fulfillment.
• How to recognize that your energy capacity has shifted as you've aged and embraced your current season of life.
• The difference between having time (long days) and having energy (biological limits).
• Practical scripts for saying "no" to invitations or leaving events early without over-explaining.
• How to handle the discomfort and pushback when you change a long-standing routine or boundary.
• Why choosing depth over quantity in social interactions leads to more meaningful connections.
• Strategies for distinguishing between "wanting" to do something and "having the capacity" to do it.
• How to reframe boundaries as an act of self-love and kindness rather than rejection.
• The freedom of being a "participant" in life without needing to be the "main character" or performer.

Hello, my friends. Welcome back to this episode where we're going to talk about how to protect your time and your energy during socially busy seasons.

Because as life gets fuller, your boundaries actually matter more. And setting boundaries feels different this time of year than it does in the winter and than it does in the spring.

And you may find that you're not sure how to approach it when everything is supposed to feel this open and bubbly and fun.

So there's this expectation that we have around summer where all of the invitations are kind of supposed to feel light and carefree that we kind of want to show up feeling like we're light bubbly carefree people and we want to be a part of everything and part of us really does.

I have to acknowledge that for me for sure. I want to feel like I have the energy to say yes to everything and often I kind of do in the moment, but then sometimes I have regrets because I don't have as much as I feel when I say yes.

Sometimes I quickly then want to say no, but I'm not sure how. So I want to talk about that because I think it comes up a lot this time of year in particular. So let's talk about what's going on.

There are so many invitations happening right now, left, right, and sideways. There are summer events, there's gatherings, there's obligations.

Kids are home, schedules are shifting at work. There's longer days, so there just feels like there's so much more time to do stuff in, and we tend to want to pack it with stuff to do.

I think we've also been taught that we should be taking advantage of every waking minute.

And because in the summer there's so much light and so much time, it's not... It's artificial. We have just as much time in the winter, but we're somehow more okay with not filling it all then.

Or we feel like it got dark so it's okay to say no, but then when it doesn't get dark, we feel like, oh, well, I probably shouldn't say no because it's not that late yet.

I don't think that's true though for us biologically, like we still actually get tired and we still can't have infinite energy.

So it's important for us, when we recognize that it's too much, when we recognize that

Maybe we don't want to stay out until 11 p.m. and drive home and be home at one in the morning.

But that's okay, and it's normal, and it's fine, and it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the person who invited you, or the party, or whatever is happening.

I definitely have come to feel that there are times in life that are fuller and naturally have more energy, that have more ability to bounce back from some of this stuff than other times and seasons in our lives. And I also think it flows also with the season in the actual year itself.

So me at 20, going through the summer, had absolutely no problem staying up until two or three in the morning, like four nights a week, maybe five.

Getting two or three hours of sleep, going to work, taking a nap, going back to do stuff, and then just repeating and going again and again.

And somehow that was okay and fairly sustainable at that season in my life.

Now me at 47, I don't have any desire to go out past like 10 o'clock. When someone says their party isn't starting until 7 p.m. I already have a twinge of like, really though? Because it's kind of late and I don't want to be out that late. There's driving, you say, after this party? Excuse me, what?

So my whole capacity has shifted and rather than fighting that I'm choosing personally to embrace it and say that's okay, I don't need to be 20 anymore because I'm not.

I will have moments where I feel that it's worth it and I want to go out and stay out late or have a fun time.

But they're gonna be fewer and far between than they were in my 20s or in my 30s. Gosh, in my 30s, I was still having bonfires and parties over the weekends, two or three times a week that would go until two in the morning.

And at that point, fortunately, it was at like my own home and I didn't have to leave, so that was nice. But now the thought of having to host something like that just exhausts me and I think, "Whoa."

At some point my daughter will be doing these things and I'll think, good on her, have a great time, but I'll be so relieved that I don't have to coordinate it. I don't have to clean up and it's not my thing. So.

That was a bit of a departure, but I wanted to say that to let you know that it's okay if you recognize that your energy has shifted over the course of your lifetime and over the course of the year.

So you may simultaneously be feeling like you have more energy and you want to fill more time. And like me realizing that there are limits to that, and there's not as much as there once was.

And so it makes you more hesitant to commit or perhaps have less fun sometimes when you do say yes.

So I want to talk about some other things that happen here. Sometimes we get an invitation to do something or the opportunity for participating in something is there.

And we think automatically, like I should say yes, it's the summer I should be enjoying this, or I really don't want to miss out.

But when it feels internally like that stretches you a lot or you're really tired or you're already feeling anxiety and overwhelmed,

You are getting feedback from yourself, letting you know that life does get fuller in the summer.

But that doesn't mean that it feels better. There's an important distinction, right? So like you can have a lot going on, but if you expect that it's going to feel great all the time, that actually is where more of the pain is coming from.

So these are two different sides of the story. There's one side that says, yes, I want to experience some of these things.

And there's the part that says, "I might not have as much fun as I had hoped doing this."

And this is where it comes back to you to decide. Is it okay if you're not having as much fun as you think you should, and how much fun do you think you need to have? Interesting question. (laughs)

I think we'd all like to say, like, we should be having as much fun as possible, and it should be great all the time!

I personally find in my lived experience, I don't have that much fun all the time. I don't even expect it of myself anymore, and I feel so much better in general not expecting to have a great frickin' time all the time. It's such a relief.

To go, I'm gonna go to the party and I'll probably have a good time and there's probably a point where it's gonna tip and I'm not gonna be having as much fun.

This is where the wisdom comes in from lived years, is to go, It's okay to hit that point, recognize that it's stopping being as much fun.

And it's okay then to say, I've had enough and I'm going to go now, whereas my younger self would have...

Debated with myself and said well you should be having more fun. Don't be a party pooper.

Don't ruin this for other people. Like my sense of responsibility for other people's experiences and happiness was like so overdeveloped. Like, well, what if...

I have nothing to do with that and I can just come in, enjoy the parts that are enjoyable.

Give of myself and participate, right, and like share with that fun and then, you know, exit before it becomes drama.

That's a learned skill. And it's something that we all learn in our own way and in our own time.

But that also is part of what I'm talking about this week is about protecting your capacity.

It is important for us when we have tons of invitations and lots of things going on to remember that it's okay to protect the capacity that we have, to recognize that yes, this engine still needs to be going tomorrow, so I do still need to show up for work and people still need to get to where they need to go.

Food needs to be made, the house needs to be cleaned, all of those things still have to happen. And in order for that to happen without me making terrible mistakes because I haven't slept or I'm hung over or whatever is going to happen in this experience,

I need to be the one to have responsibility for myself and decide where that limit is.

Sometimes it's harder to do that in the context of summer expectations. But I... I don't know, I'm not having as much of a problem with it now as I used to.

And I think it's because through experience I've learned that capacities change, people change. And also saying no tonight doesn't mean that I can never say yes again.

Sometimes there's black and white thinking that happens where I think

Okay, if I turn this person down and don't go to their gathering this week, they'll never invite me again.

And I've learned to really question that thought with myself and go, "Is that true?"

And it can be true, I guess, if I've turned down like five invitations in a row or something, or I'm always the person who says no, eventually invitations stop coming.

But if I occasionally say yes or I say yes when it really is an alignment and I'm honest, it leads to being able to show up honestly and have fun and leave when I need to leave and then be invited again. And it's also about reciprocation.

So it's me recognizing that to cultivate the kind of experiences I want in the back and forth with people. It's all about the relationship and it's saying, "Okay, I do want to show up for your events, and I want you to come to mine, too, and I'm happy to share."

When you have something, I want to be there to support you, and if I can't stay for your after party, that's okay because I came to your show. (laughs)

Vice versa, where I don't have unrealistic expectations of others either anymore, where I'm very willing to hear a "no" from people when they're protecting their energy and I'll find the way that we can mutually meet each other.

I guess that's the better way to say it is. I don't expect all of my friends to come to very loud, giant, boisterous parties. I find ways for us to participate one-on-one or in smaller gatherings because that's where we're at and that's where the energy is at and that's where we can both feel safe to show up and nourished and not overwhelmed.

And then there's other people that want to be there for all the loud craziness. So that's fine. We can show up that way with each other then.

So let's talk about social pressure and expectations, and also about sensitivity and attunement.

So sometimes what prevents us from, I don't know, cultivating the experiences that we want the way we want is that we are very attuned to how other people might be feeling and what they expect and what they want.

And I also want to say, when you've been someone who has been that support for someone else for a long time or has always said yes,

When you start to change your answer, it's like they don't hear you. I think this is human nature and I've come to just accept like, okay, if I change how I generally answer, if I suddenly have a boundary and I didn't have one before,

So for instance, if I've been invited to the pool every day and I haven't wanted to go, but I've said yes every time. And then this time I say no.

People would be like, "Oh, but why?" And they'll want an explanation, they'll want a reason. And if I'm uncomfortable with that, I might be like, "No, it's okay, and I'll just go."

So this is where boundaries can cave. Also, if I say no more than once or twice, like, they're confused. They try to convince you like, well, why don't you come? What can I do to make it better? Like, how can I make this work for you?

And the negotiation around the boundary. I don't think it's because people want to undermine us. I think it's that they're genuinely just trying to get things back in the flow that they're used to because it makes it less hard for our brains to understand. Like we've really loved being on autopilot, so anytime anyone shakes something up, it just throws everyone else in that cycle off.

And I like to think of it that way because I notice I do it, you know, when my daughter changes her mind or my husband does too. I'm like, wait, what's happening now? Like, I thought we were going over here.

What's happening? And I kind of want it to go back to the way I expected. But if I can just look at it as, oh, a pattern just got disrupted a little bit.

It's okay, it's just a thing that's happening. I don't need to judge it. It's not good or bad, it's just a change.

I'm saying this to help you if you decide that you want to change your mind about something or you want to say like I just want less gatherings at the pool or less parties at night or whatever it is that you want to have that boundary around.

Maybe it's as simple as I just need an hour before bed to read a book and I don't want to watch TV. Whatever it is that used to be happening, the people around you will want that same thing to keep happening and they are going to try to figure out how to get it back that way, whether they're consciously aware of it or not.

And if you're aware of that process, you can be okay with them trying to figure it out without having to cave in on your new decision. It really comes down to that.

So you have to be like, "Yep, tonight I'm going to bed and reading a book." And then if it's me, like my daughter's like, "But I thought we were gonna hang out and read a book in my room and do this and do that and talk about everything until...I don't know, 10 in the evening." And I'll have to say, yep, I know we usually do that, but tonight I'm doing this. And she's okay for one night, but then I go to do it again the next night.

And then there's a whole breakdown. Why? Why aren't we doing what we always do? What changed? Did I do something wrong? Did you do something wrong? You're terrible. All of the emotions come out.

If I'm expecting that, I can cope with it and I can be okay with it and I'll go, "Okay, I understand that...

You know, I kind of changed things without your participation. I'm sorry. I understand that you're feeling what you're feeling." And I have to be able to be okay, giving her space to feel how she feels without believing that it's permanently going to destroy our relationship.

And when I do, if I'm able to hold that and be there for her and be like, "I'm so sorry, I know this is really upsetting," here are some other things like, "What could you do that might help you get through this hour in the evening without me?"

She will fill that space, it will be okay, and our relationship isn't destroyed. That was a pretty specific example, but I think it can relate to friendships and to other partnerships and relationships in your life where when you say you're doing something different or you change the routine, particularly if you do it more than once or twice in a row.

People do freak out and it's one of the reasons that we tend to say yes to everything and like slowly build up resentment over time is because we know that and we don't like the pushback and we don't want to have to sit through it as long as it's uncomfortable.

It's important to realize that the discomfort of change is part of changing something and just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's bad.

And it actually might be great if we're able to just be with the uncomfortable part first until it kind of smooths itself over.

A boundary when you set something at this time of year really doesn't have to be like full of explanations, particularly if it's just a one-off event. So it can look as simple as:

Hey, I just can't make it this time. Or, you know what, I'm gonna keep this weekend low key. I don't really wanna go to a party.

Or it could look like you're just gonna decide to leave when your capacity has been hit instead of trying to stay the ideal duration and make sure everyone's happy.

It can look like letting space existing your days on purpose without trying to fill it, which actually, honestly, is hugely uncomfortable. When I think of having an entire afternoon with absolutely nothing that I have to do,

It is so hard to let it just be chill. Like, without turning on a movie or reading a book or doing something, it is very difficult for me to sit with space. And I think that's difficult for all of us these days. Like we're so used to instant gratification and constant distraction, but that's a whole different conversation for another day.

Having a boundary at this time of year can be choosing depth over quantity of things. So you might decide, like, I just want to really indulge in a really great movie or a really good book, but I don't want to go out to every movie that's available.

Or it could be about letting your plans be flexible instead of locking yourself into every single invitation that you've had in advance.

I personally practice this all the time where I think I mentioned it last week where I'm like, you know what, I'm willing to have three things scheduled per week.

I really don't want to go beyond that because then I start to feel anxious and boxed in in like a trapped little caged animal.

And if I look at my schedule and I feel like every single weekend, both days are full, plus I've got obligations during the week.

I'm already angry about it before it even happens. I'm already like, well, when do I get my time?

When do I get to not do anything? So some of this is about just recognizing who you are and where your limits are, and really respecting them.

And it's so much easier when this comes from a place of respecting yourself, rather than trying to put other people in their place or keep them away.

It's really about love and kindness and making sure that you're hearing your own demands and hearing your own needs and saying, "You know what? I honor that and I want to meet that for myself."

In the same way that I want to do that for other people around me that I care about, like I care about myself that much, that I want to do that for myself too.

So, just because you want to do something doesn't mean that you have the capacity to do it.

And just because you could push through something doesn't mean that it's supportive or appropriate.

I'm gonna say it again because I needed to hear that, like just because I have energy for something doesn't mean that I have to do it.

And just because I want to do something doesn't mean that I have the energy to do it.

That can be so hard, but it's okay in this moment to recognize that there are boundaries. There are limits. And that's just part of what it is to be human. And I think when we do recognize that,

We're able to be there with what actually is happening, to be able to participate more fully in our lives. And I think that does create more meaningful memories.

And it, here's the thing too, like you don't have to be a major player in every single event that's going on in your world in order to still be a participant and still be there and still gain something from being a part of that experience.

So I think as life gets fuller our boundaries really become the thing that protect our ability to enjoy it and to be able to be there in the way that makes sense for us.

I hope that you find the practice of saying no or saying less to be a little bit easier this year and that you are able to start thinking in terms of what really nourishes you and what you're able to provide that's nourishing around you because I think when we frame it that way it becomes a lot easier just let a boundary and stick to it.

Rather than feeling like it's like a violence and a pushing away of opportunity or pushing away of people that we care about.

I think when we think of boundaries as something that is very innately caring and nourishing of us and of others it becomes a lot easier to do. And I want to let you know if setting boundaries or having these kinds of conversations is something that you struggle with or that you find difficult,

I do provide help for that within the Anchored & Alive course, and we also talk about it in the seasonal gatherings.

When we get moving into the autumn, we'll definitely be talking about what's reasonable expectations.

I look forward to seeing you next week where we're going to talk about performance and how you don't always have to be "on" to be a part of what's going on in the summer and that we don't have to pretend to be what we aren't in order to really be alive and a part of everything and remembered and...

I don't know, feeling good about everything that we do.

I look forward to seeing you then and have a great week.

Related Episodes

Series: Navigating the Shift from Winter to Summer Energy As we move deeper into the season, the energy shifts from the rest of winter to the rising momentum of summer. These episodes help you understand how to channel that energy without burning out or losing yourself in the process.

• Ep 34: Summer Isn't for Doing More: How to Sustain Energy Without Burning Out – Why summer is about tending to what's already growing, not planting new seeds.
• Ep 33: Fun Isn't Frivolous: Reclaiming Joy for Over-Responsible Women – Why joy is a necessity, not a reward, and how to stop earning your happiness.
• Ep 30: When Your Energy Suddenly Surges (Late Spring Energy Explained) – Understanding the intensity of late spring and how to ride the wave without crashing.
• Ep 24: Why Setting Boundaries Feels So Uncomfortable at First – The emotional adjustment of protecting your time and why discomfort is a sign of growth.
  

🌿 Want help building rhythms that work with your energy instead of fighting it?

The Living in Rhythm Starter Kit offers grounded tools for nervous system support, emotional regulation, burnout recovery, and understanding seasonal energy shifts more sustainably.

Download it here.