You can listen to this episode here: Listen to Ep 49: What Was Real This Year?
Have you ever looked back at your year and wondered how much of it was really yours? We can care about a lot of things in theory, but what we actually showed up for tells a much more honest story. In this episode, Blaze explores the emotional content of the year so far: what felt true, what was performance, and how to tell the difference without judgment.
Through her own year-long inquiry into belonging — imagining herself, her home, and her business as a living forest ecosystem — Blaze shows how to look at what you did, what you resisted, and what you'll never do, and find the values underneath. It's a permission slip for honesty: you don't need advice about how to live your life, because you already know who you are.
🌿 In this episode we explore:
- The difference between what you say you care about and what you actually lived
- Why your genuine values are revealed by what you show up for regardless of outcome
- The "forest ecosystem" metaphor for your home, business, health, and relationships
- How pressure moments reveal the person you are on your best day and your worst
- Knowing your energetic cost — and why resistance is data, not weakness
- The difference between things worth pushing through and things worth releasing
- Why "what you don't want to do" is just as clarifying as "what you love"
- Giving yourself permission to live your life, on your own path, without outside pressure
Hello, my dears. Welcome back. This week we're going to talk about the emotional content of our year so far. What was real and what wasn't? We're going to talk about truth, alignment, emotional honesty,
And what we're really looking at is what mattered to you. What felt true about what you did versus something that was a performance, or something that happened or that you showed up for but didn't really come from your heart.
You want to start looking at your year and going, "Where might I have been forcing something that wasn't really aligned with where I'm currently at?" And I don't want to say that it's not aligned with you forever, just in this moment, just right now.
And what did you say that you cared about versus what you actually lived?
Because how you actually lived and what you showed up for tells you a lot more about what you truly care about and how it's going to manifest for you. So I want to say, like we can care about a lot of things. I care about creativity. I care about, like mental agility.
I'm gonna go back to that playing viola thing is that, in theory, that's amazing for me, but in reality, it's the first thing that gets neglected currently. It wasn't always the first thing that got neglected. So this is about putting your life into more of a context and helping you understand what's important and true to you regardless of the outcome? What are you going to show up and do anyway?
Even if things don't go out as planned, even if you don't get the feedback that you wanted, it's just something that you feel driven and compelled to do.
Something that I hear a lot of advice on is about how to complete things and how to push through until the end and how to make sure that you finish what you started.
And what I have found to be more true for me over time is that some things do need me to push through and I do need to finish what I started. And there are things that are super important to me that I feel that I need to carry through to their ends, whether those ends are positive or negative or give me what I had hoped to get from them or they give me something else.
And there are other things that I can say maybe not that way, maybe not that path.
And the difference is, I think, in what drives us. There are so many ways to experience, for instance, like love and connection and affection with people.
And if we looked at just that, is it through connecting with your partner? Is it through hanging out with your kid? Is it through volunteering? Is it through playing with your pets or making sure that they're really well cared for? Is it through self-care? What are the things?
And the path that you take to feeling connected and like you have affection and connection in your life is a different answer for everybody, different methods and ways of showing up.
And then in the context of all of these different relationships that we have, we show up with different aspects of ourselves too.
So recognize, please, that you're like a nuanced human being. There's so much going on that can't be dictated by anyone else, can't come from anyone else, and won't be experienced the same way by anyone else, but you.
In your life, you are living your life, no one else's, so you really don't need advice from people about how you're doing things.
What I want this episode to really do is help you have more freedom and permission to experience your year for what it really was, and to experience yourself for who you really are, and the things that you want and love and need and desire.
The best way I've found to be able to talk about it is just to be honest and share about myself because it gives you an example to see how this happens or how someone else is living it.
For me, this whole year if I was going to take a word and describe it has been about belonging and me really wanting to figure out where do I belong, how do I belong?
Where is my place in an ecosystem? And it's funny that I say that because when I think of my business and also like my environment of my home and my life and my relationships. I always think of them as like these living ecosystems.
And for me personally, I think of myself as like this tree in a forest or like a big root system that's trying to connect between all of these different plants and beings and wanting to be present and a part of it.
So I think of myself as walking through a forest or being a plant in the forest and growing when I think about my relationship like living in this home. I think of the home as not just this like structure plopped down in the middle of nowhere, but that like it... it almost has its own roots and it's connected to the roots of everything that's touching it.
That my home to me includes my gardens and the driveway and even like the whole road that I walk up and down, all of the birds that are around like the songbirds and the squirrels and the raccoon that comes by.
The tailless fox that comes by sometimes. And it's about how I notice them and relate to them, how I become in tune with when they show up in the year and where they go and what they're eating and are they being a pest? Are they being a help?
Am I being a pest or a help? What am I planting? How is that bringing more... like, are there hummingbirds or their butterflies? Like I think of all of that. I think of the neighbors and my daughter's relationships with her friends and are we creating an environment where kids are welcome and that they feel safe and they're able to play and have fun.
Can my ecosystem be a place that is thriving in a hub and for me?
That means that I want it to be as diverse as possible, that there's adults coming and elders coming and people coming and kids and that I have pets and that I have neighbors and that, you know, like it's not just business, but it's also friendship and it's also games and it's also family and extended family.
There's different kinds of gatherings and I want all of them to come and happen.
And not all at once. I want them to move through in the times and the spaces that feel available.
With my business, I think of it also as like I'm growing this forest that I want to exist and thrive and that it needs many different layers and ways for people to get what they need. So some people will come and listen to the podcast and get everything they need there.
And some people will come to the course and want to really dive deep and learn how to do some of these practices in a really held and supportive way; in a structured way. Some people are going to come in and want to dive into seasonal gatherings where we're getting together and it's briefer and it's in just like that hour and a half and it's four times a year.
But it's familiar and it's with people that you'll get to know over time or people just dropping in that are intensely interested in being a part of that one experience, enjoying something that we're building together.
With books, I want to be able to write stories and share another way, like another channel for people to receive this information that I find so important and nourishing. So there's all of these different aspects that form that ecosystem of my business.
And then when I think about like my health and my body, I've been thinking like, okay, there's like the food that I'm going to take in and nourish and like, what are my habits there?
Am I eating really well, am I nourishing myself that way, am I moving enough? Should I be doing different kinds of activities and what are the activities I'm already doing anyway? And could I make those serve me better or work more because I'm definitely noticing that there are certain actions that are easy for me to take.
There are certain ones that I'm always going to resist or for some reason I find very difficult and I will avoid like nobody's business. So I'm always looking for like the way that I can flow like water and find my way into the river of life that I want to be in and find that level of comfort and belonging again, where I feel like I'm in a flow.
I'm not going against anything that I really belong in the systems that I live in and that I create and that my contribution to it matters. So I want my contribution to matter in my life. I want my contribution to matter in my work.
I would like what I'm doing to contribute well to my health and not take away from that. I want to have an enjoyable experience of life.
And in my friendships too, I'm thinking like, how do I show up and how can I make where I show up easier for me, easier for them, like what do I need to do to help make all of these things happen?
So belonging is this huge value for me and the way that I perceive it and think about it is the way I would have better forest.
What's really working? What maybe is too much? Maybe there's something that's taking over, there's a weed in there that's invasive species that I need to uproot and take out.
Or maybe there's something that I can do, like, introduce a new aspect, like, when you think of...
What is it, those capstone species? Like you bring in beavers or you bring in wolves and they change the whole landscape, but everything thrives better because of it. So that's me thinking like,
Do I need to bring in another activity in my life, or do I need to set up a room a little different so that we get together differently?
With my business, like, is writing a book the thing that's going to help bring in more people or help people understand better? Or is it about modifying a section of the course that's going to help it? So I'm always thinking about all of these parts in relationship to each other, and that's my particular way of understanding the world and wanting to interact with it.
So what you want to be looking at in your own life to be able to understand more about yourself and your own values is to look at the things that you're doing and say, "What are the highlights of my year?"
I don't even want to say highlights of my year, but if I looked at events in my life that happened and the way that I responded to it or showed up.
I can generally say that we show up in intense moments when we're needed.
Really like we're living our values in that moment. You can't not. When we're under pressure, we show up in the way that we are most, I think, primed to show up. So it's like part of our personality.
It's part of our fiber of our being, our mental consciousness, we tackle it in that way because it's the most natural to us.
And I would say it's so important to get to know that part of yourself and get to like it and understand it better. Once I understood that I am always trying to, I don't know, set up these spaces where people can move through and interact - like I care about everything flowing smoothly and things moving together in a harmonious way.
My reactions make a lot more sense to me and I go, "Oh, that's the only way I could have shown up." In this moment, of course, when someone's in crisis, I'm showing up and going, "Okay. What do you need? How are we going to move over here?" Like the things that I offer are pretty consistent and things that I don't offer are also pretty consistent and they're telling as well.
So another thing that's important to me is understanding where I fit in my communities and where I fit in my ecosystem and where that boundary lies. Where I'm like, okay, this is where I fit and I'm creating a space for all of this to grow and nurture.
But my job isn't these five things. That's not what I'm good at or capable of.
I know I get stressed out if I'm too much in charge and I have to like maintain and manage people.
I'm not ever gonna want to do that. So I need to make space for other people to be able to manage themselves or bring in people.
Like when I think of teachers. I'm thinking of my daughter being at school and like all of the amazing teachers that she has.
And me going, "I don't think I could do it. I can't imagine a world in which I would be comfortable getting in front of 30 children every day and trying to get them to pay attention to me or whatever it is that they have to do to help teach these kids what they're teaching them."
It's incredible, I'm so grateful, and I'm never going to want to do that, nor am I going to do it.
I can show it for adults and I'm happy to do so. And I'm happy to do it in very structured, like limited amounts of time.
It's why I enjoy the gatherings where it's 90 minutes, it's intense, it's great, I love it. It's so nourishing and amazing. That feels good.
If I had to do it every day, I would start to get resentful and angry and frustrated and feel like I'm repeating myself and like it's not working out. So I have come to find my own rhythm and what works for me and the way that I'm able to deliver what I'm best at in the best ways.
I know I'm going to keep learning that over years. It's not ever going to stop evolving or become, you know, like it doesn't stagnate when we're living in it.
But I know what I'm not, and I know what I don't want to do. I (do) know what I don't want to do. You also know what you don't want to do.
There's people who thrive at desk work and people who could not stand to be stuck just sitting still behind a desk all day.
There's people who need to work with their hands and people for whom that would drive them crazy. There's people who love doing math equations and plotting out things and that's not me. I like organizing, but I'm not a math genius and I'm never going to do that.
But I appreciate it and I make space for it in my life and I ask for help when I need it from people who are good at that kind of thing who find it easy and nourishing and simple and purposeful for them.
This is the kind of relationships that I do. And I know if you look at your life, you do it as well. They're absolutely going to be people that you have in your life that you look to for certain things, often it's because it complements us or compensates for something that we dislike or aren't good at or find upsetting in some way.
Where they're able to show up in a capacity that isn't natural for us, but it's natural for them. The thing that I'm wanting to draw you back to is to find like, what is the thing that you do?
The thing that you are, the person that you're always going to be on your best day and your worst day.
And can you come to know that person and send that person some compliments and some love today?
I think it's so wonderful when we're able to go like, "Oh, okay, I'm the kind of person who," and we fill in the blank and say, "And I appreciate that about myself."
Now there are things about myself that I'm not as fond of, but I'm coming to a place where I'm able to say, "Okay, I'm like maybe more cowardly than I'd like to admit," or, "I'm not interested in pushing myself as hard to do things that require me to be physically in person in the limelight that much."
Even if other people say I can, even if other people think that I should, even if it might be profitable to us, even if it might be the thing that someone else says would be my fastest road to success or whatever.
Because I'm me, I know that I'm never gonna do it. I'm gonna find a way to procrastinate, I'm gonna find a way to find some other way around that mountain.
And it's okay because I'm not not finding my way around that mountain. I'm going. I'm just not doing it on that path.
I hope that makes sense. I think I'm trying to describe that even when other people see your life and they're able to give you perspective, and I appreciate that so much when people give me perspective on my life. There are still ways that I know innately I'm going to react to their advice.
I try to be very open about it and go, "Okay, they're seeing things that I don't see. They're giving me information that's valuable."
I guess I'm giving myself my sovereignty to say I can react or not react or use that information as I see fit.
What they're saying is likely very valid and sometimes it's not. You really have to discern where your information is coming from.
And I need to put it in context of my own capacities and the way that I know that I am built to continue to keep going. So some of the things at this stage in life, this is interesting too.
In my late 40s, when I have resistance to things and resistance about advice or ways to tackle projects,
It has a lot more context now than it did when I was in my 20s and in my teens. In my teens and 20s and even 30s, I was still trying out a lot of things and figuring out what I could do and what was...
What was worth pushing through. And again, it's coming back to that advice that we get from society is like just buck up and push through and barrel through things. And if you committed to something, you need to find your way to the end.
What I'm noticing at this stage in life with this level of knowledge, (and I know it will change in my late 50s and 60s, like it should continue to evolve), is that I know my own capacity and how long I can push through things before things will collapse. I actually, I think it's more about understanding the true energetic cost of certain actions to me.
And I have come to realize where the energetic costs are less. This is exactly what I wanted to talk about. Yes.
At a certain point in your life, you start to know yourself and who you are. And when you get to know that person and value yourself very well, you know what you're good at, you know what you can lean into and what requires less energy and effort for you to do. You know how you can show up and accomplish what you need to accomplish, be who you need to be, show up for people.
And you're doing it in a way that isn't energetically as exhausting to you as if you did that same task from a different angle.
So if I go back to like the managing people thing, if there's something that needs to happen.
I am great at setting up like organizing a schedule, giving it to someone else, whatever, but I do not want to be the one standing there saying, "Do this now, do this now, do this now, please go do this now."
I find that to be the most energetically draining thing about parenting. When I get stuck where that seems to be the only option left is to be like, "Okay, it's time to put on your shoes. It's time to put on your shoes. Please get out the front door. Oh my God, the bus is going to be here in 10 minutes. We're going to miss the bus. Why aren't you doing this?"
I hate that. I don't want to be in charge of someone else's actions.
And I have learned that when put in charge of groups of people, and there's many moving parts,
I am able to very easily to give everybody the jobs that will jive. That's fine, but I don't want to have to check in on it to make sure it's happening because that stresses me the fuck out.
And I've found that management is often a lot about checking in on people to make sure things have happened and figuring out how to motivate them to do things, and I'm not interested in motivating anybody to do anything.
I guess that's what it is. Okay, that's my thing. This is a place; I had a realization in this episode:
I don't like motivating people to do anything. I love providing information, sharing information, belonging with people, and expressing myself and receiving who they are and what's going on and having epiphanies about it.
My least desire in life is to then tell you what to go do, how to do it, and make sure you do it.
So whenever I get advice that seems to point me towards why don't you blah, blah, blah, and it feels like something that's going to make me have to show up in a capacity that feels like that energy.
I know that I could do it, but I know that I will hate it.
And if I hate something, I know that I'm gonna resist it. I'm not gonna do it as well, and eventually I'll burn out, and I'm no longer interested in doing that because I've seen the results of that.
I believe that the people listening to this podcast also have a very good understanding of who they are, and how they feel and that they can trust that. I think you can trust that you guys.
Like, you know you, you know what you absolutely resist. And you also know if you're resisting it because it's just merely uncomfortable or because it's something that will stay uncomfortable and aggravate and grind at you and pull away at your energy and make it harder for you to do things that were once easy.
You know the difference between that, and I want you to feel okay trusting that, because it helps you make better decisions.
It helps you move towards the things that are going to support you in your life and allows you to see where you might need to pull someone else in who again fills that capacity that you don't have, who doesn't mind doing it or who is better at it than you and it's okay.
I am all about finding where we belong in all these systems and finding the other people or systems or pieces of the engine that fit in wherever that compensate for us in those areas. I talk about it in the course sometimes about creating systems and using technologies to be able to support yourself.
Looking at your community and seeing like how they are supporting and providing that to you and helping you really understand where to get and how to build that support in different areas of your life.
And just here talking today right now, you all instinctively know and have so many of these things already. So...
Use it. Trust yourself. Know that it is okay to be who you are.
You know who you are and it's good. And yes, we all have things that we don't love about ourselves and most of the time, I think, we learn how to avoid the things that demand stuff of us that sucks.
I will find a better way of talking about that in a future episode. But for now, I want to leave you with this.
You know who you are. You know the things that are so important to you that you'll make sure that you're showing up for that no matter what.
And I want you to just give some love on that for yourself and for the things that you care about today.
Bring that joy and that love and that care forward with you and you'll find that it really helps fill and lighten the load of anything that you're facing that is difficult.
And when you find yourself in times where you are being demanded to be that person that you know you're not, that you're pushing through all that resistance because someone's asking you to show up in a capacity that doesn't feel really true to you...
Remember who you are. Remember where you are able to lean into those pieces of yourself that are true and really lean into them, fall into them, allow those pieces to become for now, for you, the bigger piece of your consciousness, the bigger part of your existence, to help buffer you against those times where you're having to lean out of your capacity and spend more of your energy in yourself than you're hoping to do.
We will talk more about ways to find that help and find that support as we move into the autumn. I think it's really important that we learn how to build systems that support us and how to look for the support that we have in our lives. So we definitely are coming back to that later in the season.
But next week we're going to meet and talk about what counts as enough. I really want to talk about the societal demand for what accomplishment means and I wanted to contrast that with what really you wanted and you needed and you got this year.
And again, to help you feel nourished and supported and uplifted about what has happened, what you have shown up for, and what is enough.
I am sending you all so much love and I can't wait to see you next week. I'll see you then.
Related Episodes
More from the Honest Year Review series:
This episode is part of the ongoing autumn year-review arc, where we're moving through the stages of looking back at your year with honesty instead of judgment. These companion episodes deepen the work:
- Ep 47: Review Your Year Without Judgment — An Honest Look at What Actually Happened — The foundation of this work: laying out what actually happened before assigning meaning. Ep 49 asks what felt true — this episode helps you first see what happened at all.
- Ep 48: Reading the Feedback From Your Year — What Your Efforts Actually Produced — Where Ep 49 looks at emotional truth, Ep 48 looks at lived evidence: sorting your year into complete, incomplete, and never-going-to-be-possible.
- Ep 46: You Don't Need a Fresh Start This September — Finding Your Place on the Track — The perfect pairing with this episode's theme of not forcing what isn't aligned right now: the end-of-year panic often convinces us to commit to things we don't actually want.
Explore further:
- Ep 26: Stop Explaining Yourself — Learning to Trust Your Decisions — Blaze's reminder that "you're living your life, no one else's" connects directly here: self-trust means taking in others' perspective without surrendering your sovereignty.
- Ep 29: How to Decide What to Keep Doing (and What to Let Go Of) — A natural next step after identifying what was forced vs. aligned: the art of pruning so what truly matters can thrive.
- Ep 41: The Ripening of Your Life: How to Trust the Process and Stop Rushing — For sitting with the ecosystem view of your life — settling into the life you're actually living, not the one you think you should be living.
✨ Ready to live more from what's true for you?
If this episode helped you see the difference between what you say you value and what you actually live, the Living in Rhythm Starter Kit will take you deeper. It's a free resource designed to help you identify your real values and learn to move with your feelings instead of against them — so what you show up for actually comes from your heart.
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