You Don't Need a Fresh Start This September: Finding Your Place on the Track

You can listen to this episode here: Listen to Episode 46: You Don't Need a Fresh Start the September

The transition between summer break and the start of the fall work and school season can feel like a squirrel-like scramble to gather more, do more, and become someone new before the year runs out. But this liminal stretch between summer and autumn isn't asking for a reinvention.

In this episode, Blaze explores why we rush to impose structure when our routines feel disrupted, how fantasy planning can actually be a form of hope rather than obligation, and why the real balancing act is gathering the experiences, challenges, and quiet victories of your year so far as the foundation for whatever comes next. Plus she looks at how to stop measuring yourself against an idealized version of the year and why there's more time and space left than you think.

🌿 In this episode we explore:

• Why September is a liminal space, and why we instinctively overcorrect with harsh new routines when structure is disrupted
• The psychology of list-making: how dreaming about what we could do gives us a feeling of control and hope
• Why you should balance your to-do lists with a reckoning of what you've already accomplished this year
• Reframing the end-of-year panic: September–December is only 4 of 12 months
• The pilgrimage metaphor: noticing which "village" you've reached instead of running to the next thing
• New England weather as a metaphor for life's unpredictable transitions
• Blaze's September highlights: theater accomplishments, surprise fairs, a magical mug, and befriending a raven family
• Navigating perimenopause while modeling self-kindness for a daughter entering puberty
• A preview of next week's episode: how to honestly and kindly review what worked this year

Hello friends. This week I want to talk about this liminal space that September is where we're kind of transitioning between seasons and it feels like this really long gap.

There's a very big tendency that we have to go immediately from summer expansion and doing of all the summer things into immediately reinventing ourselves or setting a new structure and diving into it very fast without really taking time to figure out what we want to do or how we want it to feel.

I know we talked about that last week, and I want to really get into it in a more deep way this week to talk about why we do that and how to avoid...

I don't know, burning ourselves out, rushing to fix something that isn't broken, or rushing to implement structure before we've even really looked at what the foundation is or cleared away the debris of the summer, I guess.

I think that we all crave, I think, at this point a little bit more structure. I know I absolutely do.

It is such a part of my personality to want to know what's coming next and to feel like I'm in control of it.

And it's funny because on the outside, you look at me and go, "What kind of structure could you possibly have?"

You're living at home and you're taking care of people and you're, you know, you have your podcast and you have your work, but it's very, um, up to me when it happens and I get to go for walks and meet up with friends and put things in whenever.

It's... as the person living that, sometimes I find that deeply disturbing. Like I don't like that it's so easy to just insert anything at any time for me to do a complete change of plans or alteration of my schedule.

I (do) value that a lot. I love that I'm able to just, you know, drop things and move them around at will.

But, in my soul, I just really love knowing what's happening tomorrow.

I don't really like when it changes abruptly. Sometimes even when I know something's coming for weeks in advance, I can have anticipatory dread of my normal everyday ideas of what I should be doing, being interrupted by having guests or going somewhere, having an event, having a party.

Even things that I really love and want to do because they're not usual for me.

I guess maybe that's it. I really like the regular and the usual.

I don't like those routines disrupted. I don't know if that's unique to me or not. I'm gonna say maybe it is. Maybe I'm a little bit... more into my routines than other people.

But for those of you listening who also really love a routine or at least knowing what's coming up, you're going to relate to this feeling that happens this time of year, where in part, like you're just hearing like here's all the fall sales and it's time to get your autumn clothing together and it's also time to start preparing for Halloween and the harvest and all of this stuff, the last of the farmers markets and go to these festivals. Oh, that's a big one. Like up here, there's the Big E.

There's all of the autumn festivals. There's the Renaissance fairs. These are things that I deeply love and enjoy going to that are seasonal and they only happen around here this time of year that you want to make time and space for.

And there's also this desire to do that while also figuring out what your normal everyday routine is going to be and how to get all your work done in the normal span of time, but maybe in a shorter amount of time because you also have like long weekends and travel to these events and things that you want to do.

It feels sometimes like when there's so many events and things happening. You know how you like hit a weekend, but then you're so busy traveling and doing things and coming home that by the time you get home, you realize you've just got a ton of laundry, the house is a wreck, and yet in the morning, the alarm's going to go off at five and you're going to have to get ready to go to work, and get your kid ready for school and do all the things, and make sure your mom's ready for her doctor's appointment... all this stuff.

So it's like the train picks up speed for some reason.

And that can feel really stressful. What I find I try to do, where it's like instinctual, is that we try to constrict around it and lock down an even harsher routine to try to overcorrect this.

To try to give some structure where the structure has been interrupted. And I am hugely guilty of it.

I love to sit down and come up with these giant lists of all of the things that I could be getting done and how I'm gonna do it and what I'm gonna do and what might be fun.

And here's what I want to say about that. I find it kind of hilarious looking at my list, realizing that I'm actually spending all of my attention and energy into dreaming about what it would be like to do that stuff, but not actually doing it.

And I think that one of the reasons we do that, again, is to try to take back control.

If I'm able to list everything and know what I'm supposed to be doing or what's coming up, I feel like I've acknowledged it and somehow I'm its master and I can control all of that stuff and then I can figure out when it's gonna fit.

I think it's a good thing, for me anyway, to write all these things down and come up with my fantasy of how I'm going to accomplish a gazillion things.

I don't actually expect that I'm going to do it all.

I guess that's the caveat to all of that. It's great to have these plans. It's great to have that feeling of control and try to get in there and set myself up.

But the reality of right now is that it's kind of impossible to accomplish any of that.

Certainly not, you know, quickly, it's not going to happen this month. It's not going to happen this week.

It may not even... all of the things that I want to structure and do and fix and correct and compensate for it might not even be possible this year.

But laying it all out like that helps me get a sense for where I'm going.

It helps me feel like maybe it's possible and I just need that sensation of hope to balance out that melancholy again that arises when I'm looking back at my ear and going, "Oh my God, what have I even done?" So...

This is what I also want to caution you. My instinct has been to write down all the things that I still have to do.

All the things that I want to do better, all the things that I could be doing with this newfound sense of time and space and structure, plus all of the things that are this week only. Like, I can only go to the fair this and next week and then it's over and I want to do it. So I've got to figure it out.

All of those things, they're great. But the part that I miss when I write all of those down and look at them is to balance it out with what I've actually done and what I have accomplished, and how far I've come this year, which is what makes me feel more full, makes me realize that, yeah, I'm a person living a real life and have encountered real things, like events have happened.

I've met people, I've done things, I've done house projects, like unexpected things happened that we just had to deal with and resolve and all of that.

So that's the balancing aspect that the autumn is really good for, and I think we do need to take a good reckoning of our year.

But not quite yet, right? Like we need to be able to have some pacing here and allow ourselves to go in it as part of a process and a movement of energy, I guess, rather than just one singular pointed moment.

I find when I tell myself, like, "Okay, great, I'm so glad that I've written down all of these things and ideas because I do get excited about it. I'm actually really excited about all of my cleaning projects."

And it just makes me feel like, "Wow, I'm really hitting middle-aged old lady status here to be like, 'I'm so excited to clean my bathroom closet.' What the heck is wrong with me?" But I am, and that's okay, and I'm admitting it here.

I'm excited about having the time to do that when I'm not caretaking, when I'm not going to be interrupted by anyone, and I can really like devote myself to doing it the way I want.

Making a big mess and putting everything back. Things like that delight me. It's also important for me to make an acknowledgement anyway that I should also be gathering all of these experiences that have happened in this year and all of the things that have happened around me to the people that I care about and that I love and to really lay that out and look at it and have that as my foundation and my context for all these other things that I still want to do.

When I even just talking about it, I feel a little calmer. I'm like, Oh wow, if I remember how many, I don't want to say tragedies, but just like events happen, like dealing with the water system and the basement and repairs to things.

And even like the solar panel app and just negotiating with contractors and fixing things that came up throughout the year.

Remember that that happened and energy was spent there that was unexpected. Remember things that were expected, but that still took a lot of effort and time and patience and... just living from me, with me, through me. I don't know how to say that.

Particularly in the summer that it was a heavily intense time of caretaking.

And it doesn't end because the routine is changing, it just is changing. And when I am able to remember that and really feel, I want to say like feel the weight of it or feel the accomplishment of it as well. It helps balance me out and go, "Okay, I've already done a lot."

So feeling like in September, October, November, December: it's only four months out of twelve.

I don't need to accomplish the same amount as I've already accomplished through this entire year so far.

That's a big deal and it's important for us to remember and I don't think it's the message that we take when we hear that we're barreling towards the end of the year.

I think instinctually there's a little bit of a panic and we feel like a squirrel that's like, "I might not have gathered enough nuts. Where have I put them? What's going on? Is there going to be enough for me?"

The feeling of panic makes us try to do more. It makes us sometimes commit to things extra that we either don't need to do or don't really want to do or might not even be helpful for where we're actually at.

So I think that it's okay right now to say that you don't need to become a new person this week. You don't need to start a new routine or have a fresh start or get back on track or anything like that.

Right now is about placing yourself where you are on your track.

To just recognize where are you on your journey and how far have you come, like if you were on a pilgrimage, like which village have you made it to?

And what might you want to stop and enjoy here along the way? And where are you looking at heading from here? And how can you really nourish and prepare yourself for that so that it doesn't become like, this terrifying, panicked run to the next thing that you have to do and the next thing that you have to do and the next thing that you have to prepare for someone else?

I don't want to live the rest of my year like that. And I know none of us really do. Like the thought of feeling burdened by all of the things that are not yet accomplished or that need to be done.

That doesn't feel good. That doesn't feel exciting. But thinking about the possibilities that arise as we're on our way there and all of the things that we've gathered and learned from and become because of the places that we've stopped along the way this year...

That feels like you're part of a story and that you're the hero in your own story, which you are, and that you are gaining knowledge and experience and emotion and tales to tell, and ideas about where you're going next and skills that have grown or deepened through this time.

I really love thinking of this is this moment of us stepping into the wiser version of ourselves, stepping into perhaps a more slower-paced, more wise, knowing person, just for these months maybe, as we step into the cooler quiet that's coming.

And remember that we all know it's coming. We're feeling it in our bones, and it's simultaneously not here yet, and I think that we have trouble with these kinds of transitions.

We want it to be one or the other. It's very difficult for us to hold on the one hand, it's going to be like 85 degrees today, and then overnight it's going to be 40 and freezing.

Like we joke about it in New England, that if you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes, it'll change. It's gonna go from rain to drought, to freezing, to overly hot, and we never know what to wear, and it's kind of funny.

But if you think about that as a metaphor for like where you're at in life right now, things are going to be changing constantly, particularly in this season. Our springs and our autumns are full of transitions and it is very difficult to predict and we keep trying to predict because we love predictability. Lord knows we do.

But it's not entirely there. So if you have a sense for what this season brings you generally,

You can rely on that. You know for you what your experience of September and October generally is.

You also know what you've already done, what you've already experienced this year, and what maybe you're recovering from.

Maybe what you kind of hope to keep doing or would like to have more of. So that's something that I would ask you this week is what are some of like your highlights? What are the best wonderful things that happened for you over the summer and I'll share some of mine.

So I loved seeing my kid get to be on stage for some plays. Watching her really... bloom there and just the joy that radiates off of her when she's in a group of people like dressed up, having a fun time, performing for us.

I loved that. I loved having my friend come visit me up from New York and us finding like these magical fairs that just seem to appear everywhere we would go. Every time she visits, there's something that pops up that we just happened to drive by that I wouldn't normally have done.

And it's perfect. And then I found this gorgeous mug and bowl that I use for my breakfast.

And I'm excited to continue to have like my magical mug and bowl and enjoy them for years to come now. Like I get to take that with me through the whole autumn.

Another huge highlight was singing outside by my garden as it was starting to get established in the early spring and being joined by all of these ravens, the Raven family, and hearing the individual voices.

And realizing over the course of about four months that I can pick out the individual voices of them now, even if I don't see them very often.

And that there's two of them that do attempt to speak more or sing with me than the adults or the other kids do, and getting to know them as individuals has been such a delight and it made me feel like I'm so connected to my space in my natural community here, and I'm so curious, like so deeply curious,

What will come of that over the fall and winter? Will the couple that had the raven babies stay? Are they going to have another nest and family next year? Will they bring them to the same spaces?

How will that even work? These are things that I found so delightful and nourishing this year, and that I'm going to carry forward.

And then of course, we also have challenges and things that we want to do better or switch or change.

For me, I've had a lot of frustration just with body changes and perimenopause and all of those things trying to figure out...

How do I take care of myself? And for a long time, feeling like I must be doing something wrong or...

I'm bad at this, or it's just going to be horrible and really me wanting to move into more of a space where I'm more accepting of myself and still having hope, I guess, for how I can move forward not feeling as disconnected and confused and stupid about my own existence and body.

And it makes me wonder if this is what it's like for my daughter who's on the other end, like just entering puberty, right? So we're both in this, like, what the hell is going on phase of not trusting our own selves and our own bodies and needing to move through that.

And it takes a Herculean effort, I would say, to try to model kindness towards oneself for someone just coming into these transitions, but remembering that I'm deserving of it too.

So that's something that I've struggled with that I probably will continue to struggle with through this year and probably the next few years. Who knows? Science tells us... so little at this point. It's there, but everyone has a conflicting story. So I guess I just get to find out on my own.

Which is deeply frustrating, but here we are. So all of those things are going on.

And it really does come down to recognizing that, you know, if I'm on my little boat in the river. I'm still moving. I haven't come to rest anywhere. I'm still on the journey, and so are you.

So wherever you are in the year, whatever you're looking back and reflecting on, and whatever that you're moving toward,

It's part of a history of you having traveled your road, your river, and you're still navigating it.

And even if the river is slowing down and it's not as like rapid and crazy as it was over the summer and the spring when the energy was high.

It's still moving and it's okay to be a part of that movement, to not try to dictate everything that's going to happen, but to just be with it and to be with yourself and to recognize that it's okay to have those reflections and to look ahead without having to dictate a perfect fall or winter for yourself.

You do not need to decide today or any of these days exactly what tomorrow needs to look like.

All you really need to do is be with yourself and care for yourself and have some compassion for yourself as we all move through this really challenging season.

And when you find yourself feeling a little unsteady,

I would say this week, really remember that this is how it is in September to see that everything is laid out before you. And we know we need to kind of reckon with it all and do all the things.

But it's okay that we haven't done it all in one day. It's okay that we don't have a perfect plan and maybe we don't have a plan yet or we're anxious about our plans.

It's all okay. And there actually is way more time and space than we think we have.

So we're going to talk more about that next week, where we'll look at reviewing and how to honestly and kindly review what actually worked for us this year and what didn't so that you get more practice with that kind of self-compassionate awareness about who you are and the reality of your year.

I think it's so important for us to not compare ourselves against an ideal year or somebody else's year or what we think should have happened by now in our lives in general by this month, by whatever date, but to really look at what is your reality? What is going on?

I think it gives us a lot more peace of mind and a sense of pride and accomplishment and sometimes really just kindness towards ourselves if we recognize that we've gone through a hard year or difficult time.

How much that we actually already have done and that we've done well. And I think it's important to practice praising ourselves for that, and giving ourselves that feedback. It really builds us up.

So I'm really looking forward to doing that next week.

And I do want to mention again that we are gathering on September 23rd for the Autumn Equinox Gathering and we'll talk about all of these things in person and really help you personally to go through your list.

Go through your year, your experiences. Share it with people who are willing and able to support that space and hold it with you and help each other find what our personal next steps are and the ways that we want to hold the energy of this next season going forward. It's going to be really lovely. I welcome all of you to come check it out and join it, and

Hopefully I'll see you there. And if not I'm going to see you next week! Have a wonderful week until then.