Want to listen along? Listen to episode 13: Motivation vs. Capacity: Why You're Not Lazy
If you’re struggling to find motivation right now, especially at the end of January, this episode offers a relieving reframe. Motivation isn’t always the problem. Often, what we call “lack of motivation” is actually a capacity issue: your energy reserves are depleted, your system is overloaded, or the demands around you are out of alignment with what you value.
In this episode, Blaze explores how to tell the difference between motivation and capacity, and why forcing yourself to push harder can keep you stuck in frustration. Instead, you’ll learn how to approach “getting started” in a way that honors your current energy, supports your nervous system, and creates conditions where action becomes easier to sustain over time.
This is for anyone who’s tired of willpower talk and ready to make life feel more workable, one supportive adjustment at a time.
You’ll hear:
-
Why “low motivation” often signals low capacity
-
How external demands and value conflicts drain energy
-
The difference between forcing action and supporting momentum
-
How to identify the friction point in your system
-
A more sustainable way to start without burning out
✨ Want support calming overwhelm and rebuilding capacity?
Download the Emotional Alignment Starter Kit, a grounding guide to help you understand what you’re feeling and reconnect with what truly matters.
Hello friends. This week we're going to talk about motivation and how to be gentle with yourself and how to start things without forcing yourself to do it. So here we are, it's the end of January, and your motivation might still be pretty low.
And you might still be feeling like you need more of a break than you've gotten.
You might be feeling frustrated or stagnated. Like, why am I still here? Or why is there so much demand around me? Why do I still have things that I need to do when all I really want is a break and sometimes space to myself?
And yet here I am not getting it, and that can be really hard.
So I want to start with talking about, I don't know, the whole experience of trying to find motivation and what it is and what it isn't.
So I think motivation really comes from within us and you have to actually want something in order to be motivated to do it at all.
And we get frustrated when we feel like we're supposed to do something, and we can't find the motivation to do it or we have things that we do want or desire to have happen, and the motivation isn't kicking in yet.
And I want to talk about that because I think it's a normal state that comes up and it's going to come up in your life if it's not happening right now. It certainly has happened before and it'll happen again.
I think the worst thing we can do in those moments is punish ourselves or think that there's something wrong with us.
And I think it's the first place we turn, one we're feeling that feeling. We feel...
Why can't I get it together? Why is this so hard for me? This is something that I said I wanted to do. Why am I not doing it? Or, I need to do this. Why can't I seem to make myself get up and do it?
I think there's always a reason for why it's not happening. And sometimes we look for a reason coming from within ourselves when sometimes that reason is external.
What I mean by that is that as human beings, generally speaking, we do all the things that we want to do.
Like there are some things that we're going to do no matter what because it really aligns with who we believe we are as a person.
So if it aligns with your values and you care about something very deeply,
You're gonna move heaven and earth to make what happens happen. If something needs to, like for your kid, you need to take care of them, you'll find a way.
If there's something that you need to do for your marriage, you're going to find a way. If there's something that you need to do to keep your job, you're going to find a way.
What tends to happen when we're like, "Why can't I figure out how to do this?" or "Why don't I want to do it yet?" or "Why is this so hard?"
And we think that it's coming from within us like, why can't I find the motivation or the energy or whatever to do it?
Sometimes it's that there's a mismatch between what we find most valuable and have energy for and what we think needs to happen or what the external demand is.
So sometimes we have to really look at:
Where is this desire or need coming from? Is it external and if so, to what degree?
Or am I feeling compelled to fix something because something external to me isn't aligned with my values? So let me give you an example.
Like when you're at work and someone should be doing a job and they're not doing it and you're wanting to swoop in to fix it because you're thinking,
If I don't fix it, it's going to come back and it's going to be my problem, so I should go in and fix it, but I don't have the energy for it because I'm doing these five other things.
And now I'm upset, and I should go do that and fix it, but it's not technically my problem, and why am I finding this so difficult?
I'm sure as I described that you could feel it within yourself like the tension building and the anxiety and the, ah, I need to fix it.
That is not a problem of your motivation. That's a problem of circumstance and it's also a conflict of value.
It's a conflict between, I know that something bad's gonna happen if I don't fix it, but I don't have the energy because I'm already doing all these other things over here.
And I also see that if I don't just borrow some energy and fix this over here later, more stuff's going to come over and I won't have energy for that either.
So what's actually happening in that situation is not an internal motivation problem. You have plenty.
It's actually a capacity problem. So sometimes what we're thinking is a lack of motivation is actually a lack of capacity.
And the solutions to those are two different things. If you think that it's a lack of motivation, you're going to go try all the self-help stuff and you're going to go say, "Okay, I need to fix my mindset and fix how I'm thinking about things or have a better, more positive outlook. Maybe I just need to power through it and do it anyway and figure out how to fake it till I make it."
And you'll try all of those things, and then you'll still feel kind of the same way, and you'll still be angry and frustrated and depleted.
Because the actual underlying problem was not your motivation. It was that your capacity is burnt out and the system that you're operating within is causing problems.
It's not you, it's the system, so we have to fix the system or find a way to occupy the system in a way that's more supportive.
Two different problems. Many different solutions, right?
So you can't tackle the wrong problem and think that it's about how hard you're working or how motivated you are or you're any worth and determination as a person. That's not actually what even was the issue.
It was misidentifying it. I think that at this time of year,
A lot of us are trying to find the energy to start all the projects that we see that are going to accumulate throughout the year.
So even what I just described is like the work scenario issue. We look out in our personal lives over the trajectory of our year because we can start to look ahead and we know patterns, we know our own lives, we know it's going to come up and we start trying to think, okay,
I probably need to start getting ahead of all this before it catches up to me and it gets even harder.
Yes. And we're faced with the reality of time and energy and weather and all those things around us and the light and other people, everything.
All of it saying there's not a lot of daylight, there's not a lot of warmth, there's just not a lot of energy reserves, we've kind of used it all up and we're not quite there yet. All of that accumulates to make us feel tired.
And like we don't really know what's wrong with us, we know we should probably get started on some of these things. And I think that that's the key thing is that there's some underlying unconscious belief that we should be starting to fix all of these things in advance so that we don't have other problems later.
And what a human and wonderful thing that desire is. It's so...relatable. It's so... I don't know, you're just gonna live that. There's no scenario in which you don't have that desire to make your life more comfortable going forward.
I think that in January when it's cold and dark and tired and you know we can already start to sense that the light is coming back we can sense that at some point things are going to pick up and get busier...
I think we're all just secretly trying to prepare for that, and we want to kind of be ahead of the game because we think that if we're ahead of the game...
that we will somehow beat the crowd and get our stuff done first and it'll be more successful for us. What I think happens though is if we try to push like that,
We just never quite complete that rest cycle that we were right in the middle of.
You guys, at the end of January, you were right in the middle of recovery time physiologically, right?
Like if you're in the Northern Hemisphere and it's the middle of January,
This is the time where you are in the deepest rest. Think of bears in their little hibernation cabbards like they're not coming out yet.
They're in the height of it. Maybe even in December they could come out a few times because it wasn't snowy and that cold yet, but in January, like that's the time of deep, deep rest, deep restoration.
And you may have gotten some rest. Here's something that I definitely have noticed has happened for me is that you start to get rest.
And because you're so depleted, even having a little bit of rest makes you go, "Oh my God, I feel so much better. I must be fine."
And I do this when I get sick as well as I start to get a little bit better and I immediately jump back to, "Okay, it's time to do the dishes. Clean the floor. Do all the stuff. Get the kid ready for school." And my husband will come over and want to smack me and be like, "You're not better yet. Go rest. What are you doing?"
But I think this is what's happening on a grander scale in January is we all had like a little taste of rest and a little break.
And we're all feeling just a little bit better than we were a month ago. So then we start to look out and see the horizon and we think, shoot, it's time to jump back into action. It's time to get everything ready and it's time to go, go, go.
Oh my goodness, guys. If my husband could be there to smack all of us and be like, "Go back to rest. You need to rest." That's what the world probably wants the most for us or what our bodies and our psychology and our emotions, like all of it needs, is just a little bit more.
So I look at when I feel that lack of motivation, I look at it not as a problem. I look at it as, oh, if I don't automatically feel it, it's a misalignment.
If I'm not feeling motivated about doing something, it's not because the task is bad, it's not because I'm a bad person, it's not because it's never going to line up. It's that there is either a timing issue or.
It's just not the right circumstance. Like, this isn't quite the right thing. It's not the right puzzle piece or fit for me.
And that doesn't mean that it never will be, it just might be not yet. It might be that the whole idea needs a little bit of tweaking to make it ideal.
But when some of those things snap into place, what happens is automatically the energy starts to be there and it becomes like motivation isn't even necessary because it's already happening.
I love setting up my life so that most things happen without me feeling like I had to put effort into it.
And I feel like that's both so lazy of me, but also so beautiful because I love moving with inertia, right? Moving without having to force myself to do anything. I love setting up my life and my spaces and my routines and my systems to be so smooth and automatic and supportive of how I actually operate and how the people in my environment and my home operate that I rarely have to push myself or decide something that I need to dig deeply for.
I am at a stage in my life where I don't want to have to dig deep for very much. I'm just being honest, like I absolutely have been there and I've done that and that was fun and I'm sure it'll come up again but probably less frequently.
Because I don't want to. I want to do...
the right amount of effort.
I guess that's where I'm at. Big effort just isn't where I'm at. It's not...
something that I think is... I don't think it's desirable anymore. I don't think it's flattering. I don't think it makes me a better person. I don't think when I see other people out there flailing and struggling and working really hard, I don't admire that anymore. I used to.
And I still, I can see people working very hard early in life, and I do admire that then because it seems appropriate and well timed in a good use of energy and focus and learning. And I look at that with admiration and then I look at where I'm at in my life and I'm like, yeah, I've already, I've already got my household. I've already got my job. I've already got everything kind of in place.
Now my whole desire is around making my systems really functional so that I don't have to apply more effort than is necessary and I can spend a lot more time enjoying what I've worked hard to create.
Oh man, if that sounds like a relief to you, you're in the right place, come in and get a hug, I love you. It's okay to want to just enjoy your life and to not feel like you're continually digging deep and trying to come up with energy that clearly you don't have.
And maybe this is just my opinion, but I feel like when I'm searching for motivation for something,
I now look at that as like, oh, I'm searching for energy that I don't have around this particular issue, around this particular situation.
Around tolerating whatever is going on that I just don't have that much capacity for at this time or anymore or whatever.
Because when challenging situations come up and I feel like I need to deal with them or I am dealing with them.
I never frame it in those terms. I never think about having the motivation to do it. It's just something that naturally happens.
I only have ever thought of motivation as something when I'm trying to force myself to keep moving and the gears aren't turning. Or I have to come up with a lot of energy to get a crank going that then might be able to sustain itself, but it can never be the only source of energy for a project.
If I need to continually crank a wheel to make something turn, I now have the wisdom in my life to go, "I don't have infinite energy. I can't crank that wheel all the time, and I certainly don't want to offload that to someone else constantly and make them crank the wheel if that's also draining them."
I don't want to do that. I need to figure out a way to get this wheel to crank itself.
So, what if, instead of forcing yourself to do things, particularly right now, particularly this week,
You looked at whatever was on your radar and said, "Okay, I want to look at this honestly and ask
Is it because it has to happen right now? Or is it something that I think would be nice or I think society would like or I think other people around me might appreciate? Is it actually coming from inside of myself or not?
And really be honest with yourself because no one has to know. You can be as honest with yourself as you want to be.
And it's great because it'll give you a lot of clarity. And you can look at all of that too and say, "Okay, if it's coming from within me,
Is it for right now? Or am I just frustrated that it isn't happening because there's something blocking me from doing what I want to do?
So that's where I've often found a lot of friction for myself as well is why can't I get this going when I really want it to happen?
Why can't I just power through? Sometimes it is coming from within. It is a desire that would naturally be happening. And I have to look at where that friction point is. What is the thing or convergence of things?
Circumstances, people, timing, all of that that's getting in the way of what should be an easier...
an easier get, an easier action. That's also really, really awesome information to have because then it becomes solvable.
You can start looking at, okay, at least now I can identify where all of this frustration's coming up.
Now, if you want to actually solve problems like that, it takes-- you have to be willing to disrupt your system. You have to be willing to go, OK.
Now that I've laid all of that out, what am I willing to do or change in order to make my life easier?
and I teach it in ways that are really cumulative and slow so that it's not like this dramatic life overhaul in one moment kind of thing because I find that to be more disruptive than it has to be and it's often more unsettling for the emotions and physiology of already stressed out people.
And I know I don't function well that way.
But I think in identifying what needs to happen within that system, suddenly you go, "Oh, there is a solution. There is something that can happen." And I can now take action. Where before I couldn't? Before I thought it was just about me and trying to find more energy.
I mean, maybe it is about finding more energy, but I think in order to do that,
You need to know where you're getting your energy from. You need to know what's actually draining you because if you don't know what's draining you, how can you stop that leak and how can you prevent it from happening again?
I care so much now about understanding how everything links together and how things layer up and build because when I can see that whole system and share that with other people like their systems and why I can see their structures and go, oh, it's like happening like this. Suddenly there's this like, oh my God, that's what's happening. And it makes sense. Oh my gosh, it makes sense.
And if we tweak these three things over here and over here, suddenly, there's no need to try so hard anymore. It's just, it's able to happen.
I love able to happen. I love embracing a more feminine, slower way of allowing versus forcing.
I mean, I definitely have worked very hard in my life and I do a lot of things, but I find doing things is so much easier when you allow the space and time and circumstances to nurture and help move that along with you.
And I think that's just a nice union of energy of effort versus, yeah, effort and will.
Versus nurture and circumstance where there are circumstances and places and ways of being that can really magnify and amplify effort.
And what a beautiful thing it is if you can allow those things to converge and get where you wanted to go without depleting all of your energy reserves, without draining your ability to appreciate it and enjoy what you've worked to create.
Mmm. And so I'll return right back to that beginning idea, which is how do you stop forcing yourself to do stuff?
Because certainly it's there. There's the push from society and the push from everything around us saying like let's get going. It's time to get going.
And I would say, you don't have to resist that, you can move along with it. But what if you did it in a gentle way, in a slow way?
That honors where you're truly at and doesn't take away from your future energy.
I guess that's the new question that I want to introduce is: What would it be like at the end of January in this deepness of rest where we should be, to look ahead and go, okay, I'm starting to want to do stuff. I'm starting to have energy. How could I move something into motion without using more than what's currently available and while perhaps still allowing myself to gain more energy right now rather than use it all?
I want to leave you with that question and let you think about it and dream into what it is that gives you the most energy and gives you the most oof and excitement and delight.
Delight is a wonderful restorative. What are those things? How can you lean into them a little bit more?
And when you find yourself looking at needs and wants and desires and what you have to do is to start instead of pushing straight through it right away or thinking there's something wrong with you for not really wanting to do it yet, go right.
That's exactly where I'm supposed to be right now. It's completely normal to not yet want to push, but to have that little nudge.
So you just look at it as information now and not as something that you absolutely have to respond to. You go, huh, how interesting that I'm starting to feel that.
I'm not gonna let it rule me this year. Ha, I win. So nice.
I am sending you all a huge hug and a high five for making it through the end of January. It's been stressful, not gonna lie, but here we are. We're doing it.
Keep resting. Relax. Enjoy. Enjoy like this slightly longer days. It's really, really lovely.
And I look forward to connecting with you next week. I'll see you then.
Related Episodes
If you’ve been feeling stuck in January and wondering why you don’t want anything yet, When You Don’t Want Anything Yet: How to Be in January Without Forcing It pairs perfectly with this episode.
If you want a broader, compassionate way to understand what shaped your energy over the past year, Mapping the Emotional Weather of Your Year offers a powerful reflection framework.
If you’ve been questioning whether exhaustion is the real issue underneath everything, What If You’re Not Broken — Just Tired? supports the motivation vs. capacity reframe beautifully.
If you’re resisting the pressure to “hit the ground running,” The Myth of the New Year Sprint is a strong companion listen.
Comments