How to Be With Big Feelings During the Holidays Podcast Transcript

You can listen to this full podcast episode here: Listen to Episode 08

About this episode:

Holiday weeks can bring up so much — grief, nostalgia, overstimulation, anxiety, tension with family, and that strange pressure to “be fine” while your nervous system is quietly screaming. In this episode, Blaze shares a grounded way to be with big feelings without forcing clarity, over-explaining yourself, or turning emotional overwhelm into guilt. You’ll learn how to name what you’re feeling in simple language, reduce communication misfires during gatherings, and give yourself permission to take emotions moment by moment.

You’ll hear support for:

• “I don’t know what I’m feeling” moments (and why that’s normal)

• How to answer check-in questions without a long explanation

• Making space for grief and mixed emotions during the holidays

• Small ways to soothe and process feelings before and after gatherings

• Giving yourself the words you most wish you could hear from others

✨ Want help calming overwhelm this week?

Download the free Emotional Alignment Starter Kit — a soul-centered guide to help you name what you’re feeling, steady your nervous system, and reconnect with what truly matters.

👉 Get your free kit here

Full Transcript of How to Be With Big Feelings During the Holidays

Hello friends.

It is the big holiday week. And I know a lot of us are feeling a lot of things and maybe even struggling with what we feel or what we don't feel or what we want to have happen or not have happen in the upcoming holiday and then just in this time of year in general.

I am so here for it and with you as someone who feels a lot all the time.

I sometimes struggle to describe it to other people, or at least that's how I really was in the past.

At this stage in my life, I've learned how to identify feelings and talk about them better.

But I want to explain something about how I came to this place because...

I know that I wasn't always here and I see in so many people the same struggle that I had which is that we get overwhelmed and we're feeling a lot and then when someone asks us,

"Hey, how are you doing? Are you okay? What are you feeling?" We kind of gum up and we can't actually answer or have any clarity about what it is that's going on.

And I know whenever I would get asked how I'm feeling, when I clearly was overwhelmed or upset, I would almost take it as an attack or feel like, "Oh my gosh, why are you trying to have me also describe what's going on with me?" That feels so overwhelming I can't handle it and I would shut down.

And then the person trying to check in on me would take it as a rejection of their care or their love or their response to me.

And then they'd say, "Well, if you don't know how you feel and you don't want to talk about it with me...," which then would layer guilt on top of everything else I was feeling.

And then I would, you know, retreat into myself and try to figure it out and go, well, what was happening?

Clearly I was feeling something, but I wasn't able to find words to deliver to this other person what they needed to hear to understand me and then I just felt even more lost and alone.

Oh my god, that comes up so much in holiday weeks when we're around so many people!

And lots of us are intuitive and we can sense that other people are off, or they're thinking something or they're feeling something and we want to understand and we want to be there for them.

Or, they want to be there for us. And these little communication misfires happen.

And it's so super stressful. So I want to talk about that this week and help you find, through me, I guess, my experience (about) what's helped and what's made all of these things a lot calmer and more manageable so that you also can have a calmer and more manageable experience, not just this week, but all the time going forward.

So I know I can't solve all of your emotional stuff in just this one little nugget, but let's go for it anyway and give it our best shot.

So here's something that I see that happens is, in my experience, I will walk into a situation and maybe I'm feeling anxious, so I'll feel in my body that I'm like,

I don't know, I feel a little tense, this is a little overwhelming, this is more than I want to deal with, or I walk in already having emotions about something that already happened.

And I'm withholding that or wanting to hold it by myself and not share it with everyone. So I walk into a situation and people see that I seem off.

And they'll ask, "Hey, Blaze, what's going on?"

And what I used to do is kind of look at them like a deer in the headlights and be like, "What? What are you talking about? Why are you looking at me, asking me questions or putting me in the center of the room to answer this question?

Even if it's just one-on-one with someone, I often would feel like everyone in the room is looking at me and they want to know what's going on and I need to have a perfect response.

And something that's helped me a lot is to realize that when someone asks a question like that,

They do not need my deep, like, every aspect of the situation answer.

And I feel so much better knowing that I can say to them, "Thanks for noticing that I'm a little off," and give them something very small and simple. Like "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed" or "Yeah, you know, I'm just, I'm feeling like I need to move a lot today and I feel like there's a lot going on so I have some pressure going on."

And an answer that's small like that, that just describes the general energy that I'm having versus trying to give a reason for it or a whole history of why I might feel that way and who's involved and what I want to do to fix it really gives them the answer that they were looking for and they can go, "Oh, okay, she's feeling anxious," or, "Oh, okay, she's feeling overwhelmed."

They feel now like they can have a way to get in and help me and support me, which is what I think people are doing when they ask that question.

But it also allows me to not have to dissect myself for exactly what's going on and why it came up now and all of the reasoning.

And I used to get so buried by that in my younger years, like as a teenager in my 20s, even in my 30s, and sometimes even now, but not as much now.

When someone would ask, "Hey, how are you feeling?" I used to feel it as so threatening.

So I want to offer that to you that if someone asks how you're doing or they point out that you seem off, it's totally okay to say, "Yeah, I am a little bit."

I'm feeling a little, like, tight in the chest, or I feel like I need to move, or I'm feeling like I need some air.

Very small specific answers suffice, and they don't have to mean anything about you or them.

And I think that's important for you to hear is that no matter what you're feeling and no matter who you're interacting with...

These interactions don't have to mean anything deep and lasting and permanent about you and them or about you in general or them in general or the whole interaction. It can just be a moment in time.

When I look at going into the holidays and big gatherings of people,

I am so relieved to feel like, "Oh, okay, I have permission to just be there and have the experience that I'm going to have."

Without trying to project into the future how this interaction plays out 15 years from now, how last year's Christmas and holidays went, what happened at Thanksgiving, like all of the things.

I personally just want to be unburdened of it, it's stressful, and I don't want to hold on to it, and I'm tired.

And I feel like so many of us are just tired. It's what I hear all the time, not just from my clients but from my friends and in my family. Like we're all just pooped.

We've been working very hard. The season asks a lot of us. And we're all dealing with a lot of change.

In my family, dealing with the loss of my brother, it's this spoken and unspoken situation, and depending on who I'm interacting with, it's brought up more or less.

But there's always the knowledge that everything has changed and that everything is absolutely different and can't be how it was before. And we all are handling that differently, and I think that's completely normal, but I know that it's really stressful and hard for each of us in our own way.

Because we don't know how the other one is thinking or feeling, we're often questioning, Am I allowed to bring him up? Are we allowed to talk about it? Are we supposed to be missing him? We obviously miss him.

Would it be weird if we bring up someone who's dead at this big holiday gathering when it's supposed to be about celebrating us and each other in life?

And that gets really confusing and hard. And I think taking that moment by moment is probably for the best.

And that's probably what I'm going to do. Just show up and be in the moment and feel how I really feel.

There are moments, particularly I think in these gatherings, when I would have been interacting with him, when I know I would have seen him, when

so much of what I was looking forward to about the gatherings was being able to see my brother.

His absence is really felt, and it's really potent for me.

There's a great sadness that I hold there, and I can't pretend that it's not there.

And I don't want to. I don't think that's fair to me or to him or to anybody.

And so for me, looking at feeling these big feelings, going into the holiday...

I think a lot about what do I need to be able to hold all that?

And what might the people that are sharing a holiday with me also need to be able to hold all that?

And I know I'm not alone, for sure. Almost every family is highly aware of whatever losses they've had, if they've had them. I mean, I feel like all of us have had them.

Someone's going to grieve somebody who's not there, and the older I get the more I realize this is gonna be true, not just for me from here on out.

Like you hit a certain age and people die.

But for the older generations and my family and everyone older than me, I think, "My God, they've gone through this more than I have. They're holding more than I have."

And I look to them sometimes for their wisdom and how have they handled it and how do they keep going.

But here's what I want to share with you also is that grief and loss and death is so deeply personal. And whatever you're facing, whatever stresses you're going through, yes, look to the wisdom of others and see what they're doing and what they have for you and how they want to share and hold you in that.

But I'd say even more, trust yourself and trust that you know how you're feeling and what you need and what you want. And you know how you're feeling even if you're not able to describe it or articulate it.

And I want you to hear that from me, because it's not something that you're going to hear from all the voices around you.

That's where you get the like, "But what's going on and how can I help?"

And when words aren't coming, we feel like it means that we don't know.

And I think it doesn't mean that we don't know. I think it means that we are not yet at a place in that sensation or that feeling to be able to share it externally to someone else or to be able to give it a context and explain anything.

And I think feeling like you have to explain anything is one of the biggest stressors in anyone's lives. And what if we got rid of that?

Just for a day, right? Just for the holiday. To go, No one has to explain anything to anyone.

We can just be here and it's okay to be how we are and sometimes that'll look like we're laughing and we're having a great time and we're connecting and it's wonderful.

And there will be other moments where it looks like, you know, your aunt or uncle is staring off into candlelight and drifting off into the distance and they look wistful and sad or maybe it's you that's feeling that way or someone gets up and walks away and needs a moment.

But what if the support that we provide in that moment is allowing that to be true?

And coming in when we feel that it's appropriate or kind or the most like ourselves, or the most like themselves to reconnect and keep going.

Holidays really bring out so much expectation and so much passion and joy and memory. I've been thinking a lot about past Christmases and my expectation of what that holiday would be and it's evolved and changed so many times over the years.

Particularly since my brother died, I've remembered a lot of rehashing about Christmases when I was really young and what it was like when he was a baby and when we were kids together and growing up and playing and you know, how we would gather around the Christmas tree and divvy up and toss each other the presents that had each other's names on it and how excited we'd be.

And the shows that we'd watched and the things that we do, and it kind of moves from the memory of a holiday shared moment and Christmas trees and food and people coming over in our specific spots at the and table and all of that stuff.

And it moves for me into these memories of just winter and moving into that time of year of it being cold and snow starting to fall and just really fun happy memories for me of us waiting for the bus as kids.

And there was the squirrel that used to get really mad that we'd stand there waiting for the bus under that squirrel's tree and it would literally take hickory nuts and throw them at us while we were at the bus, and we thought it was hilarious.

I remember one time us going up to wait for the bus and we had been out there for so long and it was so cold and...

You know, there's still snow on the ground and the wind blowing and I'm sure I refused to wear a hat or something because I thought I'd look stupid and I cared about that. But I do remember freezing with my brothers.

And eventually, I think I decided that we had waited long enough and I didn't want to wait for the bus anymore, so let's go home and just say to mom that the bus wasn't coming. So we started to walk home.

And just as we were starting to turn around and leave, we saw like the yellow of the bus starting to crest the hill.

And we're like, "Quick, like, jump!!" And we jumped, like, behind a big pile of snow and hid.

And waited for the bus to turn around and leave. And then we went home and lied and said the bus had never come because we didn't want to go to school.

And we just, that was so thrilling and exciting. And I look back on that as such a cherished memory.

This is the kind of stuff that the holiday season evokes, so I want to talk about the normalcy of having these highs and lows of emotion and that there's nothing wrong with you for following like threads of really happy memories that make you laugh...

And then immediately after remembering that, remembering something really sad or remembering the absence of someone and feeling so incredibly low and ready to cry.

I flow with that now and I find that to me is the most comforting thing is to just say it's okay, I can do that and it's not crazy, it's not manic, it's not depressive, it's none of those things for me personally.

This is just what the season has associations for with me.

And all of those do have feelings and they have stories attached to them and they're things that I'm always going to remember and that I'm always going to sometimes want to feel.

All of that's okay. Being with your feelings this season might feel like needing to retreat.

It might feel like really wanting to connect with someone who remembers things that you also remember, and being able to talk with them and hash it out and just say, "Hey, do you remember that?"

And have a good laugh or a good cry or a rant or whatever, and gossip about your memories and what you're expecting and what's coming up and get it out of you.

I've always felt that when we're able to speak out or act out or just express the things that we're thinking and feeling about, It really helps kind of complete the body cycle for me of what that experience did.

It helps me feel like I'm not continuing to relive it or if I want to relive it that I kind of can through that storytelling or through that connection.

And then after I've done so, there's this ability to be at peace a little bit more within myself.

To say I was able to talk about that and share it and I wasn't alone. Or if I was alone, sometimes I'll sit and write or think it out loud or speak it out loud like I am to you, to be able to process those thoughts and feelings and emotions.

I highly recommend for you if you have a lot that you're feeling or worrying about or needing to get out of you, to give yourself some space to do so this week, if at all possible, even if it's just for a few minutes in the evening or a few minutes in the morning or just taking time to

Get out, go for a walk. Just air out your feelings and your thoughts. However that works for you.

Because I think it gives you such a base of calm to work from that you have a greater capacity when you're in the moment, when you actually realize like, "Oh, here it is. Here's the gathering."

Everyone's coming and I was feeling stressed out or anxious or whatever, but I've had a chance to kind of do the pre-play of what might happen before it's happening.

And that for me also reduces so much stress and anxiety is for me detailing what might come up and what I might be stressed about and then figuring out how that might look.

So that when it happens, I'm not surprised by it and I don't have to just panic and react in the moment.

I already know what was going to happen and I already know what I'm going to do. And I feel like it allows us to have more options to choose from and I'm such a fan of having options to choose from.

And as I get more skilled with this over time and when I work with people and help them identify what aspects really work for them?

The more you identify the things that work for you, the more you're able to pre-plan them into your life and make it so that the inevitable option is going to be what you do best. And that's excellent. It's so good.

Mmm, so feeling, breathing, being in your body.

Connecting to your own memory. I send so much warmth and appreciation to all of you listeners, to thank you for taking the time in this busy week to listen to me and my ideas. I appreciate that so much, but also to say,

You're welcome here. And everything that you think and feel is welcome.

And I want to be a bridge for you to be able to speak your heart or feel your feelings and understand how to work with them better.

I love helping people connect with that part of themselves and feel heard and seen and understood.

And I want everyone to have that.

And I know, I don't know, the holidays and being around families sometimes is the time where you feel either the most seen or the least seen.

And when you're not feeling seen, it can be so painful and so lonely, and I don't want that for anybody.

So, to let you know that if that is how you're feeling...

Mmm, it's okay. Being there for yourself is huge.

It is the thing that you can do for yourself, even in the midst of all of that, even in the fear, the frustration of, you know, showing up, but not feeling like it's for you or that people are there for you.

Realize that even if that's the truth of that moment, that you're able to be there for yourself and I would ask you what is it that you know you need?

What is it that you most wanted to hear from some of these people or needed to hear from them at any time?

And to ask yourself how could I give that to myself just a tiny small bit today?

To not even put the pressure on yourself to try to provide it in those moments, but to go, "Okay."

In the bookends around it, before the meetings, after the meetings, what is it that I need, and if I could imagine hearing, "You know, Blaze, you're such a wonderful person. I appreciate you so much. I'm so glad that you're here."

Just the exact words that you were hoping to hear.

To say that to yourself and to really receive it.

When I've done that for myself when I've needed it the most, I'll be honest, like I'm a bucket of tears. So I've done like the mirror exercises that people have offered in the past to me.

Or they say, you know, go into a mirror and gaze into your own eyes and tell yourself, the thing you most need to hear.

And either I start that feeling completely blank, or when the words come out and they hit the right way, I just like gushed tears, and I find I need that to be such a private moment and I can't do it.

I can't do it if I think anyone's going to come home or see me or witness me in that moment. However, the doing of it is, it actually really is very powerful.

To be able to speak those words and I think it's painful. Like the crying for me is the pain of realizing that I haven't heard whatever it is that I'm speaking in that moment or, God, I really needed that so much.

The power of it for me is not even necessarily in that moment, but it's in like the weeks following and even the months following, being able to have that conversation with people that I am in contact with that I do care about.

To be able to say the thing that I needed or to express the idea that I had that was so tender.

Opening that up and getting to a place where it's possible for me to talk about it with someone else. I think that's the real gift there.

And maybe that's the gift that I want to offer to you this holiday season, is that it's okay to take your time on all of this.

That the secret to feeling and being with your big feelings isn't to try to just bust through them or get through them all at once.

It can be this really tiny bite-by-bite process that accumulates over time, and I promise you, becomes so powerful in healing and excellent.

And it's okay and normal that it takes seemingly forever for it to build up.

It's okay, that's just how it is, but it's so nourishing to even start there.

To start with these tiny bites of :What do I need? What could I give myself?

What do I need to hear? And how can I just accept that this is how it is right now in this moment?"

And it won't always be like this because there's always the moments around events where you do have a little bit more time and space and breathing room.

Be with yourself and to give yourself what you need. My friends, I am wishing you...

a wonderful holiday week, no matter what you celebrate or don't celebrate. I know that this week is intense for a great many of us, and if it wasn't this week, then I know holiday gatherings are happening for all of us kind of sporadically throughout the month of December and into January.

So please, hear...

That you are deserving of gentleness and of kindness and of peace and I am wishing you all of that and more.

If you are interested in learning a little bit more about it, please come hop by my website. I talk about it a lot. It's in all of my blog posts, it's in my course.

But truly, you know, keep coming back. We talk about this kind of stuff every week and I really am so thankful and grateful and looking forward to sharing more with you into the new year.

Next week I want to talk about year-end rituals and how to be kind with ourselves looking back over the year and looking forward into the new year.

It's absolutely a time of preciousness and quiet and kindness.

And I want to talk about it in a way that really nourishes you and appreciates everything that you do and uplifts and doesn't demand more of you because this should not at all be a season of demands.

So, I guess that's my other wish for you is the gift of no demands. For at least today, I hope that happens, but probably even more than that, I hope lots and lots more than that.

I will see you next week and sending you all my love. Take care.

Related Episodes:

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions right now, it may help to remember there’s nothing wrong with you. The episode What If You’re Not Broken — Just Tired? offers that grounding reframe.

Being with big feelings often starts with stopping. Permission to Pause explores what it means to slow down without guilt, especially during demanding seasons.

If you feel pressure to turn emotions into action or improvement, The Myth of the New Year Sprint helps dismantle that expectation.