The Gold in the Emptiness — How Spacious Pauses Become Creatively Fertile

Hello and welcome back my friends. This week we're going to talk about the emptiness of being in this season.

Why things kind of feel empty after we let go, and how to become comfortable in the spaciousness of the pause.

This is where clarity has a chance to form, I think, is in these moments where we're between projects, where we're between commitments and things that have to be done, even when they're small.

So even if you're not experiencing a big gap where nothing really has to happen yet, maybe it's a small one where it's just a few days or a few hours.

It's in those moments where if we allow it to be and don't try to force ourselves to do anything and don't try to bypass it, it's where inspirations suddenly pop up.

And I find that spaciousness like this is something that in general we're kind of uncomfortable with as a society.

We do not like to be in the quiet for very long and we tend to want to fill it up with noise or with activity or with getting ahead for the next burst of things that we know we need to do.

We’re not necessarily great at being quiet and being still and not filling the time with something that turns our brain off or lets us disengage. So let's talk about that a little bit because I think it is natural to try to avoid the discomfort by trying to dive into something familiar.

Use that to not have to think or plan.

What we don't realize, I think, when we're like, we decide, oh, I'm just going to go scroll through Instagram or I'm going to go play video games or I'm just going to immediately read a book and fill that space with doing something is that we're kind of missing out on our own inner voice, having the time and space to come meet us and inspire us and fill us back up with our own inspiration, with our own desires and our own needs.

It is a skill, I think, that takes practice to learn how to be quiet long enough to be able to have an idea.

 I think that one of the reasons that I like arts and crafts so much is because it's something that requires me to do something with my hands usually. So I've been into knitting or learning to crochet or I want to draw or I want to play an instrument a little bit.

All of those things; I think the instrument's harder for me. I use a lot more of my brain trying to master something new, but for me art and drawing lets me go more into that space where my mind can go a little quieter while I'm doing it. Same with knitting if I know what the pattern is or I'm just doing the same thing repetitively.

I have something to do and while I'm doing it, I can get into almost like a hypnotic rhythm.

And when I'm there, I don't have to think, and that's pretty awesome. I like that because from that quietness or from that repetition or being able to get into a space where doing something, but it doesn't require all of me,

I'm able to have an inspired thought or an idea about what might happen next or I might have an insight about like, oh, that's why this happened or that's why this event meant this to me or what's coming up.

 I'm able to suddenly make these little spider web connections between incidents in my life and make meaning. And I love making intentional space for that to be possible.

Without someone telling me, you know, sit down and journal about it for 10 days and figure out your thoughts and the meaning of all of it. I find that harder for me personally.

But those same insights will come up if I sit down and I'm trying to figure out how to knit this hat because I have only one purpose, right? Like only one motion. Is it knit or purl? And knit or purl? Are we adding or subtracting? And then...

In that rhythm, I'm able to tune into my environment, spread myself out in my awareness a little bit, notice where I am if I'm sitting outside or if I'm sitting inside. Can I hear the birds? What's the wind doing? I feel more like I exist in a place and in a time.

And for me, too, I think creating anything like that helps me feel like I do exist and like, "Hey, I made a thing. It's in my hands. Look, I touched it!"

That to me feels very good and meaningful. And I know from my daughter, like she likes creating forts and taking rocks and making little fairy houses and stuff outside.

And we all have our own little individual ways of doing it here. My husband likes creating stories and coming up with plots for our games. And it's really fun.

And everyone has our own little creative outlet. So I'm finding, as I'm talking about this, that these long stretches of calm are actually really creatively fertile spaces where we have the time and the ability to pull forth from the nothingness, somethingness.

Whatever that is, I find that when I give myself enough space even if I do choose. Like, hey, I'm just gonna watch this Netflix series or I'm gonna read this entire book series and that.

That's my filling of the time. That from that, I will always get bored and then want to do something else. And the desires that pop up are telling. Like they let me know where I'm moving and what I might want or need next.

This is the time of year where I'm suddenly like, "You know what? I do want to go out and get all the stuff to make a bunch of rolls because that seems really nourishing and awesome and I want to smell it and touch it and feel it."

I think for me everything really becomes tactile this time of year where I want to have my hands in food and prepare things.

And I start to think, I'm going to enjoy gathering with everybody and sharing this stuff.

I'm not ready for it yet. I'm ready for it soon. I'm not ready for it yet. I want to have enough of a pause that diving back in feels refreshing.

 So I think of it almost like, you want to be out in the hot sunshine long enough to get sweaty that you want to jump into the water.

That's what these pause moments are for me is me going like, okay, I just want to like, be in it. I kind of want to get gritty and gross in it and see what's coming up for myself.

What are the thoughts that keep arising? Is there something that I'm hung up on?

If I pause long enough, I'll notice that I'm hung up on something instead of just being on automatic. I think that's part of what it is at this season too.

It’s allowing ourselves to be still long enough or not occupied or not driven to do anything long enough to notice what are internal stories are.

 What are the things that are driving me? Am I happy with that? Or is it something that I never, like intentionally signed up for. It's just like that realizing that you have a lot of subscriptions that you've forgotten about.

When I offload all of not all of my responsibilities. When I offload, trying to move very fast on the roller coaster of life and I have taken my foot off the gas and I'm coasting a little bit and I'm allowing things to slow down.

It's letting me notice the sign posts more. I'm not flying past them at speed. So I'm able to go like, wait, is this where I wanted to be? Hey, is this a thought that I want to keep having?

Or, whoa, I seem to have this thought a lot. I wonder what that's about? And it gives me the opportunity then to address things in my life that maybe are a little bit off-kilter, that maybe I do need to put a little bit more attention into.

And it's much more of a natural process rather than a scramble.

I think that it's important for me anyway to be present enough in my life that I'm aware of the different dynamics and things going on.

I don't like being in a scramble all the time. I don't like only putting out fires and running from like bad thing to bad thing and trying to figure out how to not have it go too terribly wrong in between.

Sometimes I really like to allow things to slow down and stretch out enough that I no longer have to rush so much. It's easier to see the things coming down the road.

It's easier for me to take a few moments here and there to prepare rather than always be barreling full steam ahead and filling every moment of every day. When I'm that full I don't find it that fulfilling.

I find having things that I enjoy taking up, you know, important times of my day, but not every moment of my day to be fulfilling.

Mmm, I want to share that back in the end of the summer, early September, me and my daughter were reading Little Women Together. And I loved some aspects of that, where the mom was trying to impart to the daughters that being lazy isn't really great.

And being too busy isn't really great. And she did it through allowing the girls to decide that they were going to take a vacation; take a week and do nothing.

And they’re all like, gung-ho went into being as lazy as possible. So they didn't do any of their chores and they only drew pictures and only read books and only tried on pretty outfits and didn't put anything away.

And they felt compelled that they had to keep doing it because they committed to having this week off of not doing anything. They get to the end of the week and realize that the machine has fallen apart, right? Like food isn't getting made.

Dishes haven't been done. Everything's a mess. There's dust everywhere. Nobody's ready to help anything. And the mom's gone off to go help someone else.

And they're like, "Oh no, what are we gonna eat? Oh no, what are we gonna wear? What are we gonna do?"

And I think it's the same for us as well, that there needs to be a balance. So when the mom came back and they were starting to do their chores and prepare everything again, they realized: one, they have a lot more agency than they thought they did.

They also chafed against having that much "freedom" of doing whatever they wanted, that they actually liked having a structure and they liked having some responsibilities in their days. And the mother says to the girls, you know, you should have a balance of both.

You want to fill your days with meaningful work and things that help everybody get along together. And for them, it was like, help this household work. Are people being educated? Are they getting fed? Is the house clean? Is everything okay? Is the fire wood chopped?

But you also want to fill your days with things that nourish you and bring you joy.

So you want to still have the time to read the book and you want to have time to like pretty yourself up if that makes you feel good and do a pretty drawing and play the piano or whatever it is that brings you joy.

And I'm really bringing that into this season, just before we're getting ready for holidays and everything to go, "Okay, I want my days to be a balance of both doing productive things, right? Things for society, things for my family, things for my work, but also things for myself that bring me just joy and relief and creativity.

And I find if it's all only work, that becomes very stressful and produces anxiety.

And if it's all only fun stuff and things only for myself and being kind of selfish, that also brings me anxiety and doesn't make me feel good.

So it's in these long quiet stretches where you're kind of maintaining, right? Like you knew what your routine is, you've probably established it and you're, you know, you get up and you know what your morning's going to be like and you know what your workday's going to be like and you probably have a sense of what your evening's going to be like.

Something really predictable and golden in that. And to be able to then fill up the quieter times with things that really nourish you. And if you find that you're getting bored of something that you've been filling your time with,

Great! That's such good feedback. You're able to go, "Oh, I'm actually tired of reading things."

I go through phases where I consume books and I love them, and then suddenly it's like a switch flips in my brain like no more. I don't want to read anymore. I'm tired of it. I want to do something instead, so that's usually when I start knitting more or drawing or deciding I want to write.

All of that begins when I have I guess indulged myself enough, right? Like, I'm slowing down enough to notice what's irritating me.

Whether it's something that I'm doing for fun or something that I'm doing for work. Of course, there's always the necessities and things that have to keep going regardless. But...

I love knowing that I have so much agency over my life.

That I am able to make some choices and that I can adjust and that I should adjust. And also that it's okay not to pack my days at this point to the same level that I packed them in the spring and throughout the summer.

I definitely am enjoying this quieter stretch where I'm feeling like I'm finally, finally more peaceful.

It took a while after school started and the routines adjusted in September for me to wind down enough to feel calm and gracious about life and like welcoming of people again. Like I just felt so depleted by the end of spring through summer, being just a steam train chugging as fast as it could.

I put a lot of effort in. And then I had to come to terms with it slowing down and feel like is it okay that it's slowing down? Have I done enough? If I'm not continuing to do as much?

Because maybe I got some things going full steam ahead early on. Was that enough?

Now it's me going like, "Okay, it is. This is the feedback that we're getting is it's time to recalibrate and readjust. Move towards what the next dream is.”

So I think it's important to recognize that these seasons of slowing down are what are starting to give you clarity.

But it's not a guarantee that you just wake up and have clarity in an instant. It's through cultivating space and through allowing yourself to be with it that you get these insights into your own motivations and into what might feel good to do next.

And if you're slowing down enough and really exploring what you're into and where you're going next, it gives you time for conversations with people too, and allowing your friends and your family and all of your networks of support to show up and support you and to help you build what you need next or to just tell you, "Hey, it already exists here. Here it is," and be able to receive it.

I think receiving is so important and it's not celebrated enough. I think we think a lot about what we need to give and what we need to provide, but I think it's also important to recognize that this should be a season also of receiving and of giving to yourself.

Or not even taking that action. Like, I don't even want to say give to yourself because that feels like too much also.

It's about allowing yourself to receive what's around you, to be able to graciously accept from your friends and from your family and from life itself these cool opportunities and these moments of rest and these beautiful connections that come up.

So I'm hoping for all of us that we're able to recognize this phase of the cycle, I guess, of the year, to really embrace and appreciate what it has to offer.

Even if it feels awkward sometimes, even if we get bored, to realize that there's real gold in the boredom and that there's joy to be had here.

And that truly, like our life is here to be enjoyed and shared with the people that we care about.

I care about all of you, I care about my family and friends, sending out lots of love and joy and appreciation for all of you, and wishing you a calm and peaceful season.

Next week we're going to talk about how we finish up the things that really need finishing this year, so how to embrace that final, I guess, well of energy and inspiration that we have and using it in a way that feels nourishing and good and right for you as the season comes to its natural conclusion, as we're moving towards the winter and what's coming there.

Next week we'll look at how to use the energy that we have from these pauses from everything that's I guess left over from this year and use it in a way that feels really good for you, that nourishes the things that you truly do want to accomplish and that allows you to not feel like you're over exerting or burning yourself out,

Especially as in the United States, we moved towards Thanksgiving holidays and Christmas holidays. And so much that we think or does need to get done.

It's often a really emotional season for us. So looking at this in a way that acknowledges all of our efforts and helps keep us intact and helps keeps us sane as we move towards that holiday.

Sending you all so much love, and I'll see you next week.

Related Episodes

Continuing the Honest Year Review series:

We've reached the still point of the autumn arc. After the release (last week), the season offers its gift: spaciousness. This episode is where the pause becomes purposeful.

• Ep 53: When Your Effort Feels Pointless — The (Normal) Seasonal Dip in Motivation — Last week's fulty trough leads directly into this episode's emptiness: once you stop fighting the dip, the pause becomes a place to live, not a problem to fix.
• Ep 51: What Level of Done Is Done? — Knowing When a Project or Goal Is Complete — The structural complement: knowing what's complete is what makes the spaciousness feel like rest instead of procrastination.
  

Explore further:

• Ep 38: Stop Over-Scheduling Your Joy: How to Create Space for Boredom and Presence — The essential companion on boredom as fertile ground: why open slots breed creativity and awe.
• Ep 33: Fun Isn't Frivolous: Reclaiming Joy for Over-Responsible Women — For the half of the balance equation that fills your days with things that nourish you and bring you joy.
• Ep 12: When You Don't Want Anything Yet — How to Be in January Without Forcing It — The original "spaciousness" episode from last year's winter arc: the same medicine, prescribed for a different season.

✨ Ready to find the gold in your pause?

If this episode gave you permission to stop filling every gap, the Living in Rhythm Starter Kit can help you work with the spaciousness instead of against it. This free resource guides you through identifying your true values and moving with your feelings instead of against them — so when the next desire surfaces from the quiet, you'll recognize it as your own.

Download the free Living in Rhythm Starter Kit

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